The beginning

Well, I decided today to start a blog about my journey to motherhood while struggling with PCOS.  I think that it will help me to talk about my struggles and frustrations.  My name is Shawna and I am 27 years old.  I am married to a wonderful man named Dustin, and he is 30.  My husband and I met in high school in 1997.  We started dating on September 23, 1998.  He graduated in 1999 and I followed shortly after in 2001.  We moved into our first apartment in July 2001, shortly after I graduated.  We bought our first house in December 2001 and we were so excited to begin the next chapter in our lives.  Dustin proposed to me on February 5, 2002 and we immediatly set a date for September 28, 2002.  During the time that we lived together prior to marriage, we were not doing anything to prevent pregnancy.  We felt that if it happened, it happened and we would be happy about it. 

We were married on September 28, 2002 and decided that starting a family was not a rush because I was only 19 and he was 21.  We still felt that if it happened it happened and if not, no big deal, we still had plenty of time.  In early 2005, we decided that it was time for us to start actively trying to conceive.  My periods had never been regular, but I didn't think too much about it because we weren't trying to get pregnant.  I went to an OBGYN in July 2005, and they told me that everything was fine and not to worry.  We tried to conceive for about 15 months, with no success.  In November 2006, Dustin and I decided that we would seek the advice of a fertility specialist.  Dustin called and made an appointment with Dr. Donahue and we began to see him in January 2007. 

The first appointment, he did an ultrasound and immediatley told me that I had PCOS.  I had never heard of PCOS before and had no idea what that meant.  He told me that I had tiny cysts covering both of my ovaries and that I would need to take fertility medication in order to conceive.  Dustin and I were both so shocked, scared and confused because we never thought that anything was wrong and we didn't know where to go from here.  I had always heard that fertility treatments and medication can be very pricey, and we just didn't have the money for that.  So, Dr. Donahue ordered us some bloodwork and Dustin a semen analysis and then we would go from there.  I can remember leaving the office and just crying because I have always wanted to be a mommy and didn't understand what was going on.  Dustin didn't really have the words to comfort me, because he was confused himself.  Nobody in our family had this problem, and nobody had to go to fertility doctors to conceive so this was all new to us. 

The next day, we went and had our bloodwork done and he had his semen alaysis done.  We waited for 2 days, and then got the call from Dr. Donahue.  Based on the results of my bloodwork, it was comfirmed that I had PCOS.  Dustin's bloodwork came back fine, but his semen analysis did not.  He had low sperm count and low sperm motility.  That means that he is not producing enough sperm and the sperm that is being produced are not moving like they should be.  So the doctor told him that he needed to start taking Vitamin E and D and that his numbers should improve. 

We scheduled our next appointment for 2 weeks out.  I was suppose to start prior to our next appointment and they wanted to wait until after I started to procede any further.  Well, I didn't start before my next appointment and that was really upsetting.  I wanted us to start off on the right track and it didn't look like we were going to.  Anyways, we went to the doctor and decided that he wanted to perform a procedure that would show if there was anything wrong with my fallopian tubes.  We scheduled that for
February 2007.  The morning of the procedure, I was so scared.  I don't know if it was the procedure itself, of if I was scared of what he was gonig to tell me.  Well the procedure went fine and my fallopian tubes were fine. A few days after the procedure, we went back to the doctor and he put me on birth control for a month to see if that would regulate my period.  So, in April, when I hadn't started, we decided to schedule our first round of artificial insemination.  He put me on Provera (to jump start my period), Clomid (to help me ovulate) and Gonal-F injections (also to help me ovulate).  We scheduled the first round of artificial for May 21, 2007 and we were so excited.   

Two days before the artificial was scheduled, the doctor did an ultrasound to make sure that I had follicles large enough to procede with the procedure.  We were really happy when he told us that we had 4 follicles!!!  He instructed us that the next evening, Dustin had to give me a shot in my bottom to release the egg and the following morning we would do the artificial insemination.  So the next night, Dustin gave me the shot just as the doctor had instructed us and the following morning Dustin got his "sample" together and we headed off to the doctor.  We didn't know what to expect since this was our first treatment.  The procedure went fine and we were told to wait 2 weeks before taking a pregnancy test.  Let me tell you, that was the longest 2 weeks of my life. 

Well, after the 2 weeks, I took a pregnancy test and it came back negative, so I went and had bloodwork done and they confirmed that it did not work.  So, we were back in the doctors office.  We decided to try on our own again for a few months with the help of Clomid.  However, since I did not start on my own, we had to go back and get Provera again to "jump-start" my cycle.  We tried on our own for a few months, and nothing changed. 

So in January 2008, we went back to the doctor to start another round.  However, during a routing ultrasound of my ovaries, Dr. Donahue found a tumor on my uterus that needed to be removed.  So, we scheduled the surgery for February 2008.  After the surgery, we immediately got all of our medicines for the next cycle and scheduled it for March 13, 2008.  We did the same thing as last time, and once again, it didn't work.  We were just devistated.  I guess we both assumed that it was guaranteed to work and neither one of us knew that it was going to take this much of a toll on us. 

In May 2008, we were in the process of doing a third round, but my body had a bad reaction to the medication, so we could not continue with the procedure.  This really upset us, because we had already forked out a ton of money on the medicine, and for what? 

We decided to try on our own for 2 months again, and so for July and August we tried, but with no success.  So, we went back to the doctor in September 2008 and he put me back on the Provera.  He then wanted me to go back on birth control for another month to see if that would regulate me.  After that month of birth control, we started the shots and pills again.  This time he put me on Menpour instead of Gonal-F.  This is a shot for women who are going to have invitro fertilitzation done.  Although I was still going to do the artificial insemination, he wanted to put me on stronger medication.  So, we scheduled the next round for November 17, 2008.  But, just like every other round, it was unsuccessful.

Dustin and I decided that we couldn't do this anymore.  We just couldn't take the heartache one more time.  Not to mention that we had drained our bank account.

So we took a "break" from November 2008 to May 2009.  We were still trying to conceive but we didn't let it consume our lives.  My cousin Becky told me about a doctor that helped her to get her periods regular  by taking birth control and very shortly after she became pregnant.  So, I made an appointment with that doctor for
May 29, 2009.

I went to see Dr. Ensley on May 29, 2009 and did not get any good news from him.  He told me that since I had PCOS, that there was not much he could do to help me, but he wanted to run some blood work.  So, I went and had bloodwork done, and the results were not good.  He told me that my insulin was high, my testosterone is higher than it has ever been and my HCL is low. 

I felt like giving up.  I didn't know what else to do, so I crawled back in my shell and shut the entire world out, including Dustin. 

Well, here it is October 21, 2010 and we have still not conceived yet.  My periods have gotten a little better, but not much.  I will go 3 or 4 months with a period every month, and then not have one for 3-4 months.  So I have made an appointment with an OBGYN for October 29, 2010 and hopefully they can help me.  I have going to ask them to check my ovaries again and to see if they can start me on birth control
to see if that will help to regulate my body.  Hopefully we can figure something out. 

I already have a nursery ready to go and a closet full of baby clothes...all I need is the baby to go with it all!!

I know this first post has been extremely long and I promise that the one's that follow won't be.

Shawna